A suggestion from an inanimate source. Follow the dead and become dead.
There it was, a suggestion. What if I did follow it, just press the button, play it again. Groundhog day. Watch it again for no reason other than it's there.
I wasn't remotely considering this, but the words stuck out at me. What drives what I do? I have things on my list to do, instead of "play again". But who knows. Which is better, is not attending to my list also "play again" the same day again and again. What difference does that make, Cliche. Again. A cliche, Again. A cliche. Eventually the rhythm emerges, whatever the repeat is, it is of a beating heart, an heating heart looking for a body. I meant to type beating again but missed. So the heart is heating instead. Perhaps heating until it explodes. Now i'm off on a tangent as if that were not a tangent, and where is the straight?
It's so peaceful today. A long lie-in, nobody in, a wank, Noone to report to, noone to answer to, and noone to pay for. A small taste of the bliss I had, but this is bliss, having this space but knowing she is coming back. She keeps me going in these tedious times. The small things i cannot bear to do alone, she is there beside me. I need her to need me. My friend was right "you wouldn't have it any other way"
Back to the list. Or breakfast.
